Amber

Everythins moving around in a groove and looking at me. The words on the page lose their pre-prescribed meaning as they rearrange and relate to other words that have come alive. So all I do? my part is just to observe before the fall.

2012

i got my blanket back

i got my blanket back

but 2 souls are taken

2 more are gone

i could have known them

i could have shared

but i just close back up

close back up and dig a hole

to hide in

time is provoked

time is lost

given to the poor?

no, just wasted away

what is with the mindset

of this generation

not losing but wasting and on repeat?

what would our parents say

if they really cared?

what would our parents say

with their arms crossed, jaw barred?

what would our parents say

to us, the ones who had it all to spare?

were we really ever truly aware of what we had?

we must press on

we will move on

but we will never trespass on

forgetting each other

so much to build on

so much to grow on

nothing will break this strong

family apart

we have too much heart

we'll go so far together

alone together,

together alone

as long as we we realize there's something, something irreplaceable

that we own

something we always have shown

in our fortress of make-believe,

but never to be confused with

a make-believe fortress

there's always more to add

there's always more to say

but all good things must come to an end

Tearing

Have you ever had tears travel over you nose

Passing a crossroads on the map of your face

A message from the eyes, the portals of the soul

Looking for and running from a private embrace

Did you ever feel one thing and say another

Just to please the general atmosphere

A quiet thing that maddeningly pierces the truth within

As you are torn between roars or tears

.

.

.

DEAR WHOEVERYOUTRULYARE:

MUST I HAVE AN AUDIENCE FOR MY OWN EMOTION?

I'M SEARCHING FOR A FERTILE IMAGINATION, A NOTION

SO UNLESS YOU, THERE IN THAT SEAT

ARE WILLING TO LIVE IN THIS WILD HEAT

I DON'T WANT YOUR DISORIENTED PITY AND STARES

YOU DON'T KNOW ME. SO WHO FUCKING CARES

My thoughts are congealed, never known
Unless I choose to let them out…
Alone together or Together alone?
Maybe one day We’ll have it figured out

Another Possibility

Dim and Bright are the paths I must choose from tonight

My heart - pumping fast and blind, my head - aching from thought of light

Deciding shouldn't take it so hard

But my conscious is suddenly caught off guard

The time that's lost, nature will not requite

But the Sun and Moon were both born glowing bright

A piece of me wants to break - a shard

But what happens then to the pieces I discard?

Realizing the journey is painless

Climbing too quickly can be dangerous

But I can never choose which way is the call

If I won't allow myself a chance to fall

Another Proclamation

I wanna be up in the clouds with my head

Blown around by coarse and gentle winds instead

Separated and strewn over land and sea

Up to and thru the sky's city

Being and feeling everything at once

To be out of this trap - finding a response

Then shooting back down, a burning meteor

To dance upon Earth's magnetic interior

All I want is my journey to be realized

Something to aspire for and not be compromised

But when others fail to comprehend or rely

Inspiration to articulate does nothing but die

- -

Still haven't said it out loud. I just told my mom most everything I was feeling, and she got it. I sat in a courtyard I knew existed, but had never been to. I've had a headache ever since, and needless to say, my eyes and nose could have filled an olympic sized pool. She was sweet about it, really...now she won't be too surprised when she sees my lacking grades for this semester. No Yale MFA for me, it seems. Not that I was looking for an MFA in the first place.

Missing myself.

Missing people.

Missing motivation.

Missing fire.

Missing enthusiasm

Missing desire.

Missing concern.

Missing fear.

M-I-S-S-I-N-G : the most active thing I've done all year.

A gear has to shift, I know.

I need to talk.

I need to say it out loud.

I don't need polish, I just need a better sightline.

Raise the bar for more light to discover a lifeline

Light to see, feel, breathe, energize

Regrouping myself, putting myself in the right compartments for the right time and place.

I want the traffic horns.

To be surrounded by strangers

Who want different things

Who I can someday meet

If they walk with me, crying on the street

Maybe they'll stop a beat -

A measure in response.

...I want what everyone wants.

...

my bed is like a coffin without walls

I lie with my hands on my chest

the covers around me like a shrinking cucoon

electric fan blows dust on my face

cause I like to have cold ears like the man in the moon.

going thru just another reality

just as everyone expects of me

my passion becomes my obligation

feeling trapped by the standards

that have taken the space of creation

while giving and taking empty regards

which stump my growth's stimulation

why is something so natural a challenge?

how can my heart pump courage?

where can my brain work in balance?